Time may heal, but it can never replace

7 years ago today my life and the life of my family and many people around us we thrown into something that would change our lives forever. 7 years ago I was a 13 yr old who was busy wearing my sister's clothes, trying to fit in, and living life as I knew it back then. On May 24th 2004 that would all change and life took on an entirely different meaning. My big sister Brooke Carol Wilberger who was 19 and home from her first year of college at BYU disappeared and unknown to me that morning was the last morning I would ever see her again. She told me she loved me before she left for work and I grudgingly went to school only to come home and find out that my world had been turned upside down. Her personality and character left no doubt to the police that it was a serious crime and her case took on a life of its own. Hundreds of volunteers searched to find her, but they never would. About a year later our family would discover that Brooke was never coming home alive. The bright  blue eyed, blonde hair girl who lit up my world would never grace me with her presence. For the next 4 years we waited and waited and worked with police to bring her killer to justice. We didn't have her body and there was still an unsaid hope that it was a dream we would all wake up from. A few weeks after I began my freshman year at BYU I received the most heartbreaking call of my life... My mom called me to tell me that Brooke's body had been found and her killer had entered a plea bargain. Some might think this would be a joyful day, but for me the world came crashing down. Everything I had ever hoped for was gone and there was a solid reality that she was gone. I immediately flew home and joined my family to attend the final court hearing in her case. I learned details of the case I wish I never knew and everything over the past 5 1/2 years was right there in front of my face again. Thanksgiving came and I joined my family and friends as Brooke was brought home and buried.

 It has been 7 years and I still cry as I write this blog post, there is not a day that goes by that I do not think of her and there are many days where the pain is just as bad as it was the day it happened, sometimes worse. When you are young and don't always understand the circumstances or long term results of tragic situations it sometimes doesn't not hit as hard as when you are older and can understand relationships and emotions and the situation. 7 years ago I was a 13 yr old girl thrown into a world of police and FBI agents and criminal rules and adult situations. Today I am a 20 yr old girl trying to survive college, work, plan a wedding, and deal with more adult situations. But I still miss her more than I could ever say and the pain of her death still stings. Time has healed me a lot, but time will never be able to replace Brooke in my life. I have learned so much during this experience and it has shaped who I am today. It was not a one time event that happened and was done, it was a part of me and my life and I am me because of it. While I would never want to go through it again or wish it upon anyone else ever, I am grateful for the things I have learned and the person I have become because of her death.

Some Things I have learned over the years:

Joy can be found in suffering. Brooke's death is very bittersweet for me ~ I have grown so much as a person through this experience and I have learned to enjoy life in different ways and to love so much more even through the pain of her death. 

Everyone can do hard things! People say "I could never do that!" But, the truth is - we are not extraordinary, we are regular people who made the choice to persevere and we did not do it alone.

I am nothing without my savior Jesus Christ and the atonement. The savior and the atonement are what get me through everyday and without him I could never be where I am today. 

Always put family first. My family is the most important thing to me and through this journey we have had our ups and downs like any family, but we are so close and so much stronger when we are together as a family. 

Even trials can be a blessing. People wonder how anything good can come out of such an awful event, but the truth is many wonderful and great things have come out of Brooke's death. She was and continues to be an amazing person and I am constantly blessed to be her sister. 

I will see her again. I believe that through the power of the atonement families can be together forever and I know that one day I will see Brooke again and I cannot begin to imagine how wonderful it will be! 

Love unconditionally. The last thing Brooke told me was that she loved me and throughout her life she made sure that I knew she loved me and cared for me. You never know how you might touch someone or how long you will be able to tell someone you love them. Take the extra time to love those around you it's worth it. 

Happiness is not found, it is created. We have all control to decide whether or not we are going to be happy. It is a choice and even when we are faced with unreal tragedy we can make the choice to be happy. 

Sorry that this post is so long - but I have so many thoughts about this!! I love Brooke with all of my heart. She was one of the most amazing people I have ever known in my life. The more I talk about it with my mom and think of everything I remember and know about her she was a wonderful, kind, caring, loving, amazing person. She wanted the best for everyone around her and strived to make the world a better place. I hope that I can follow in her footsteps be the type of person she would have wanted me to be. I miss her so much and falling in love and preparing to get married has been so hard to do without her. I wish everyday that I could call her up and talk to her about life and love and decoration and bridesmaids dresses. I am so lucky to be marrying the most wonderful man on the earth who supports me in everything and who stands by me and is willing to let me break down and hold me while I cry. I have been so blessed to have the most wonderful family who is always there for me and who understands me. I am so grateful for them and I love them so much. They have taught me to never forget that is is never too late to change and life isn't about money or toys or status, but it is about the simple things.    

 Never forget to :

Love those around you

Spend time with your family

Give service as often as possible

Never stop learning

Take your time

Smile

Laugh

Live

Be the best you can be!